Allison James Counselling

Click on the ‘Areas of Focus' to read more or book a free consultation. Low Self Esteem Anxiety Depression Imposter Syndrome Self-harm Understanding and Managing Anger Loss and bereavement Trauma Life After Divorce The lows after Higher Education WHAT TO DO NEXT Anxiety What is anxiety? Anxiety involves a disproportionate fear response relative to the actual danger posed. It is an emotion characterised by tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure. Anxiety and depression can be present in one person, but they are not the same condition. We all have those moments of fight or flight - when we perceive danger or mask it with freeze or fawn. Talking through thoughts, feelings and behaviours can help us look at different options you would like to explore. What could anxiety look like? Separation Anxiety Intense anxiety when anticipating or experiencing separation from home or significant others, worrying about the prospect of harm. It is an unwillingness to go out or be left alone. You may often experience nightmares and physical problems such as headaches, nausea, and a disproportionate fear of objects or situations. Social Anxiety Social anxiety can feel very debilitating as it negatively impacts your ability to be around others. It can trigger a fear of rejection or embarrassment. Work, public events, and even more intimate social interactions, can feel very overwhelming. You may experience intense fear, episodes of a rapid heartbeat, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, and chest pain. People who suffer from anxiety may have recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns. They may avoid certain situations out of worry, lose the ability to focus, become irritable and have difficulty sleeping.

What is Depression? Depression is a specific mental ill-health condition which causes extended periods of low moods. It affects how we think and behave. There are usually some physical symptoms that also appear. Possible effects of depression Sadness Guilt and worthlessness Paranoid states Loss of energy Loss of enjoyment in life A change in appetite Low libido Weight gain or weight loss Swelling of joints Bloating Insomnia Emotional sensitivity Mood swings You may feel like time has slowed down and dragged you through never-ending days. Suicidal thoughts may invade your mind. We all have times when we feel unhappy or disconnected, making it challenging to participate in everyday life. The first step to change can be finding a treatment that suits you. Talking it through can help you assess your needs and start your journey to a happier you.

What is self-harm? Self-harm is when somebody intentionally damages or injures their body. It's a way of coping with or expressing overwhelming emotional distress. Those who self-harm may also struggle with suicidal thoughts; more than half of people who have tried to committ suicide also have histories of self-harm. Self-harm is often used to punish oneself or relieve unbearable tension. Sometimes, it is a mixture of both. It can also be used to communicate distress to other people. Self-harm can bring immediate relief, but it is only a temporary solution. It can also cause permanent scarring and damage to your body. There are many reason for self harm, these are a few: difficult relationships with friends or partners difficulties at school, such as not doing well academically difficulties at work being bullied, either at home, school or work worries about money alchol and drug misuse coming to terms with your sexuality if you think you might be gay or bisexual coping with cultural expectations, for example, an arranged marriage traumatic experience. sexual, physical or emotional abuse, including domestic abuse and rape the death of a close family member or friend having a miscarriage What can self-harm look like? Cutting or burning skin Punching or hitting self Poisoning with tablets or toxic chemicals Abusing alcohol or drugs Deliberately starving or binge eating Over exercising Sexual promiscuity Gambling People often try to keep physical self-harm a secret because they are ashamed or fearful of their scars being seen. They may cover up their skin and avoid talking about the problem. People who self-harm may not look for help themselves. Close family and friends may need to take the first steps. Self-harm can also include suicidal behaviours such as overdoses. It is important for those who have harmed themselves (or those thinking of doing so), to learn to understand and accept their complicated feelings, to be taught skills to manage them, and to be able to make positive changes in their life. Eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, involve abnormal eating, preoccupation with food, and prominent body weight and shape concerns. The symptoms or behaviours result in significant risk or damage to health, distress, or impairment of functioning. These conditions should be shared with GP's to maximise helping with these complex condition as anorexia can be fatal. Anorexia nervosa often begins during adolescence or early adulthood and is associated with premature death due to medical complications or suicide. Individuals with bulimia nervosa are at a significantly increased risk for substance use, suicidality, and health complications.

There is often a pattern with outburst of anger, and it may look like the following: First there is the Buildup, (rooted in multiple factors, such as self-esteem, expectations, and past experiences.) Next, you may experience the Spark (the "trigger" that ignites an angry outburst.) Then the Explosion. This can involve criticising others, pulling rank, blaming others, being unreceptive, listing injustices, avoiding responsibility, leaving loved ones, using others, rejecting compromise, judging others, adopting a condescending attitude, and withholding finances. Lastly, you may experience the Aftermath. This is usually myriad of negative, immature, and destructive feelings such as blame, denial, regret, shame, and guilt. Several explorational and behavioural tools can help to pinpoint and resolve lack of self-control. Once you can understand the triggers in your life, you can be on your way to gaining self control and free yourself from outbursts. The healthiest way to express your anger is in an assertive and calm manner. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are and how to meet them without hurting others. This can be achieved by expressing, suppressing, and calming your anger. There are a number of tools that can be used to help explore your life, past or present by recording behaviours, challenging and making appropriate changes to the way we express our anger.

Trauma is often an emotional response to a terrible life event that leaves an emotional scar. Immediately after the incident, feelings of shock and denial are typical. What do the effects of trauma look like? Feeling frightened Under threat Humiliated Rejected Abandoned Unsafe Unsupported Feeling trapped Feeling ashamed Feeling powerless Dissociation Nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts Addictions and disordered eating Social withdrawal and self-isolation Avoiding anything or anyone that recalls the traumatic event Being easily startled and always on guardTraumatic experiences can impact a person's life and relationships and cause difficulties at work, school, and other social settings. Trauma therapy can improve quality of life. Although it can be challenging to face harrowing events, with support and psychotherapy, symptoms can lessen over time. Trauma therapy can be very beneficial as it can help you with the following: To find coping skills to handle distorted or negative thoughts and feelings. To reframe the traumatic experience and make some sense of it. To improve close relationships and connections with people. To reduce irritability, anger, and frustration and increase peace of mind. To eliminate or reduce triggers and symptoms of PTSD.

Traumatic experiences can impact a person's life and relationships and cause difficulties at work, school, and other social settings. Trauma therapy can improve quality of life. Although it can be challenging to face harrowing events, with support and psychotherapy, symptoms can lessen over time. Trauma therapy can be very beneficial as it can help you with the following: To find coping skills to handle distorted or negative thoughts and feelings. To reframe the traumatic experience and make some sense of it. To improve close relationships and connections with people. To reduce irritability, anger, and frustration and increase peace of mind. To eliminate or reduce triggers and symptoms of PTSD.

We all grieve. in a personal and individual way. Grieving and mourning have been conceived as the processes whereby the bereaved person adjusts to the reality of their loss. This enables them to disengage from the deceased and reinvest in the new. When feeling broken or lost, individuals may experience distress and emotional disturbances such as anxiety and anger, simultaneously. The stages of mourning may include: Denial Anger Bargaining Depression acceptance Numbing Yearning and searching Searching Disorganisation. Bereavement is the experience of losing someone important to you. It is characterised by grief, the process and the range of emotions we go through as we gradually adjust to loss. Losing someone important can be emotionally devastating - whether a partner, family member, friend, or pet. A person or thing that is badly missed when lost by death or suicide can be incredibly traumatic for an individual. Alongside grief, we may experience feelings of guilt after the loss of someone from suicide because you may not have been aware of how they felt or might feel betrayed that that person did not reach out to you. Most bereaved people experience grief, which involves feeling many different emotions in response to the person's death. There is no set pattern to grieve, and everyone will suffer in their own way. You may experience a plethora of feelings, or you may feel nothing. You may find it easy to talk or bottle all your emotions up. There are no rules in grief. Whatever happens, be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal. What the physical symptoms of grief may look like A hollow feeling in your stomach. Tightness, or heaviness, in your chest or throat. Oversensitivity to noise. Difficulty breathing. Feeling very tired and weak. A lack of energy. Dry mouth. An increase or decrease in appetite. Losing someone is often a traumatising experience. These are all normal symptoms to experience, and we can learn to confront and overcome them.

There are several reasons why many students may feel down after completing Higher or Further education. After completion, students may face uncertainty about their career prospects or what path to take next. This uncertainty can lead to feelings of anxiety and sadness due to: A loss of structure: Students are used to having a structured routine during their studies, with clear goals and deadlines. After completing their courses, they may feel a sense of loss as they no longer have that structure in their daily lives. Post-graduation blues: Graduation often marks the end of a significant chapter in one's life. It can be an emotional time, saying farewell to friends, professors, and the familiar educational environment. This sense of loss can contribute to feeling down. Pressure to succeed: Many students may feel pressure to succeed or meet certain expectations after completing their courses. This pressure can be self-imposed or come from external sources such as family, peers, or society. The fear of not living up to these expectations can lead to feelings of disappointment or inadequacy. Transition to the real world: After completing their A-Levels, Apprenticeship, Degree, or other course, students may face challenges of entering the workforce or pursuing Further education. This transition can be overwhelming as it involves facing new responsibilities and uncertainties, contributing to feelings of stress and sadness. Non-completion of a course can lead to a lack of confidence, students may feel isolated from their peer group. There can be many different reasons for not finishing a course such as mental health or unexpected changes of plans. The loss of being and feeling autonomous is often cited as a popular problem. Especially for students returning from University as they find going back home to be stressful. They may feel that they are no longer being treated as adults and have lost respect and privacy. Parents may notice that their child is withdrawn or is unable to articulate whatever problems they may be experiencing. Hence, there is a real breakdown in their post-study relationships Finishing Higher or Further education can have its downsides. However you can re-establish positive mental health by setting realistic goals and expectations,